what’s wrong with us?

i saw this link on blurbomat yesterday, and i’ve been watching the clips all day.

how did we get to this point? how did we get to the point when we’d allow this to happen?

what’s wrong with us?

i saw this link on blurbomat yesterday, and i’ve been watching the clips all day.

how did we get to this point? how did we get to the point when we’d allow this to happen?

bottom of the hole

i was talking to the rd in my building yesterday, and she said that with my current situation with school, i’ll most likely not be allowed back in the fall unless i withdraw for this semester, and re-do it in the fall.

and it sent me to where i am now. i talked to my cousin last night, and in all honesty, she kept me from doing some things that i’d most likely regret having done. this semester has been one of the roughest parts of my life, and everything started falling apart back in february.

it started when i had gotten so drunk that i woke up the next morning in the hospital, and when i got back that day, i moved out of my old room to live with someone who, from what i had heard, wasn’t the best person. and while i found that he wasn’t as bad as his former roommate described him, living with him hasn’t made things any better.

i guess it’s the fact that i actually liked my old roommate. not in a sexual way, but as a friend. i thought that he hated me, and that hurt more than the shame of walking back to my room in hospital scrubs with a bag of puke-caked clothes ever could. the weekend following the whole ordeal, i locked myself away to keep myself from killing myself, because i knew i’d end up trying it, if not doing it. i’m no longer in that position.

again, the person i’m living with now isn’t the worst person in the world, but there are quirks about him that make me a bit uncomfortable. i’ll talk more about it later.

i went to talk to the alcohol wellness person here on campus earlier today, in order to fulfill the requirements set by the school after being sent to the hospital, and we talked about ways to make sure that i get over my depression so that i don’t get back to where i was the weekend after the hospital trip.

and that’s why i’ll be on my way home by next week.

bottom of the hole

i was talking to the rd in my building yesterday, and she said that with my current situation with school, i’ll most likely not be allowed back in the fall unless i withdraw for this semester, and re-do it in the fall.

and it sent me to where i am now. i talked to my cousin last night, and in all honesty, she kept me from doing some things that i’d most likely regret having done. this semester has been one of the roughest parts of my life, and everything started falling apart back in february.

it started when i had gotten so drunk that i woke up the next morning in the hospital, and when i got back that day, i moved out of my old room to live with someone who, from what i had heard, wasn’t the best person. and while i found that he wasn’t as bad as his former roommate described him, living with him hasn’t made things any better.

i guess it’s the fact that i actually liked my old roommate. not in a sexual way, but as a friend. i thought that he hated me, and that hurt more than the shame of walking back to my room in hospital scrubs with a bag of puke-caked clothes ever could. the weekend following the whole ordeal, i locked myself away to keep myself from killing myself, because i knew i’d end up trying it, if not doing it. i’m no longer in that position.

again, the person i’m living with now isn’t the worst person in the world, but there are quirks about him that make me a bit uncomfortable. i’ll talk more about it later.

i went to talk to the alcohol wellness person here on campus earlier today, in order to fulfill the requirements set by the school after being sent to the hospital, and we talked about ways to make sure that i get over my depression so that i don’t get back to where i was the weekend after the hospital trip.

and that’s why i’ll be on my way home by next week.

an explanation as to what i’m certain that i have

first, the depression part:

Atypical Depression (AD)- a subtype of dysthymia and Major Depression characterized by mood reactivity — being able to experience improved mood in response to positive events. In contrast, sufferers of “melancholic” depression generally cannot experience positive moods, even when good things happen. Additionally, atypical depression is characterized by reversed vegetative symptoms, namely over-eating and over-sleeping.

The DSM-IV-TR, a widely used manual for diagnosing mental disorders, defines Atypical Depression as a subtype of depression or dysthymia, characterized by Atypical Features:
A. Mood reactivity (i.e., mood brightens in response to actual or potential positive events)
B. At least two of the following:
-Significant weight gain or increase in appetite (“comfort eating“)[3]
-Hypersomnia (sleeping too much, as opposed to the insomnia present in melancholic depression)
-Leaden paralysis (i.e., heavy, leaden feelings in arms or legs)
-Long-standing pattern of interpersonal rejection sensitivity (not limited to episodes of mood disturbance) that results in significant social or occupational impairment
C. Criteria are not met for Melancholic Depression or Catatonic Depression during the same episode.

In general, atypical depression tends to cause greater functional impairment than other forms of depression. Atypical depression is a chronic syndrome that tends to begin earlier in life than other forms of depression — usually beginning in teenage years. Similarly, patients with atypical depression are more likely to suffer from other psychiatric syndromes such as panic disorder, social phobia, avoidant personality disorder, or body dysmorphic disorder.

second, the thing that might be behind my problems with meeting new people:

Avoidant Personality Disorder (APD)- a personality disorder characterized by a pervasive pattern of social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy, extreme sensitivity to negative evaluation and avoidance of social interaction. People with avoidant personality disorder often consider themselves to be socially inept or personally unappealing, and avoid social interaction for fear of being ridiculed, humiliated, or disliked. They typically present themselves as loners and report feeling a sense of alienation from society.

Avoidant personality disorder usually is first noticed in early adulthood, and is associated with perceived or actual rejection by parent or peers during childhood. Whether the feeling of rejection is due to the extreme interpersonal monitoring attributed to people with the disorder is still disputed.

The American Psychiatric Association’s DSM-IV-TR, a widely used manual for diagnosing mental disorders, defines avoidant personality disorder as a “pervasive pattern of social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy, and hypersensitivity to negative evaluation, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by four (or more) of the following:
-Avoids occupational activities that involve significant interpersonal contact, because of fears of criticism, disapproval, or rejection
-Is unwilling to get involved with people unless certain of being liked
-Shows restraint within intimate relationships because of the fear of being shamed, ridiculed, or rejected
-Is preoccupied with being criticized or rejected in social situations
-Is inhibited in new interpersonal situations because of feelings of inadequacy
-Views self as socially inept, personally unappealing, or inferior to others
-Is unusually reluctant to take personal risks or to engage in any new activities because they may prove embarrassing.

(all information taken from wikipedia, the link to atypical depression is in the post title)

now y’all know what’s wrong with me.

an explanation as to what i’m certain that i have

first, the depression part:

Atypical Depression (AD)- a subtype of dysthymia and Major Depression characterized by mood reactivity — being able to experience improved mood in response to positive events. In contrast, sufferers of “melancholic” depression generally cannot experience positive moods, even when good things happen. Additionally, atypical depression is characterized by reversed vegetative symptoms, namely over-eating and over-sleeping.

The DSM-IV-TR, a widely used manual for diagnosing mental disorders, defines Atypical Depression as a subtype of depression or dysthymia, characterized by Atypical Features:
A. Mood reactivity (i.e., mood brightens in response to actual or potential positive events)
B. At least two of the following:
-Significant weight gain or increase in appetite (“comfort eating“)[3]
-Hypersomnia (sleeping too much, as opposed to the insomnia present in melancholic depression)
-Leaden paralysis (i.e., heavy, leaden feelings in arms or legs)
-Long-standing pattern of interpersonal rejection sensitivity (not limited to episodes of mood disturbance) that results in significant social or occupational impairment
C. Criteria are not met for Melancholic Depression or Catatonic Depression during the same episode.

In general, atypical depression tends to cause greater functional impairment than other forms of depression. Atypical depression is a chronic syndrome that tends to begin earlier in life than other forms of depression — usually beginning in teenage years. Similarly, patients with atypical depression are more likely to suffer from other psychiatric syndromes such as panic disorder, social phobia, avoidant personality disorder, or body dysmorphic disorder.

second, the thing that might be behind my problems with meeting new people:

Avoidant Personality Disorder (APD)- a personality disorder characterized by a pervasive pattern of social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy, extreme sensitivity to negative evaluation and avoidance of social interaction. People with avoidant personality disorder often consider themselves to be socially inept or personally unappealing, and avoid social interaction for fear of being ridiculed, humiliated, or disliked. They typically present themselves as loners and report feeling a sense of alienation from society.

Avoidant personality disorder usually is first noticed in early adulthood, and is associated with perceived or actual rejection by parent or peers during childhood. Whether the feeling of rejection is due to the extreme interpersonal monitoring attributed to people with the disorder is still disputed.

The American Psychiatric Association’s DSM-IV-TR, a widely used manual for diagnosing mental disorders, defines avoidant personality disorder as a “pervasive pattern of social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy, and hypersensitivity to negative evaluation, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by four (or more) of the following:
-Avoids occupational activities that involve significant interpersonal contact, because of fears of criticism, disapproval, or rejection
-Is unwilling to get involved with people unless certain of being liked
-Shows restraint within intimate relationships because of the fear of being shamed, ridiculed, or rejected
-Is preoccupied with being criticized or rejected in social situations
-Is inhibited in new interpersonal situations because of feelings of inadequacy
-Views self as socially inept, personally unappealing, or inferior to others
-Is unusually reluctant to take personal risks or to engage in any new activities because they may prove embarrassing.

(all information taken from wikipedia, the link to atypical depression is in the post title)

now y’all know what’s wrong with me.

happy easter

hopefully y’all are having a good easter, for those of you who celebrate it.

for those of you who don’t, i hope the weather where you are is as good as it is here at school and that you’re having a good day.

the video for the day is of fleetwood mac talking about when lindsay and stevie joined the band:

v

happy easter

hopefully y’all are having a good easter, for those of you who celebrate it.

for those of you who don’t, i hope the weather where you are is as good as it is here at school and that you’re having a good day.

the video for the day is of fleetwood mac talking about when lindsay and stevie joined the band:

haven’t done this in a while

ok, so i kinda lost steam in the whole ‘town of the week’ thing, but i wanted to introduce you to quite possibly one of the smallest (if not the smallest) towns in america.

Ismay, Montana is a town in Custer County, Montana. at the 2000 census, the population was 26. there were 7 households, and 7 families living in town. the total size of the town is 0.4 square miles (1.1 square kilometers), all of which is land. the per capita income is $9,852, however the median income for both households and families was $32,083.

in 1993, it unoficially took the name of Joe, Montana, after the famous football player.

and, if you don’t believe anything i’ve put here, i embedded the link to it’s wikipedia page into the post title.

i dare you

ok, so here’s an idea for a post for the rest of you bloggers, and an entry for those of you who still do it oldskool and write in notebooks:

list the 10 songs that you love to sing out loud but are too embarassed to do around other people.
here’s my list:

1) The Most Beautiful Girl- Charlie Rich
2) Honky Tonk Badonkadonk- Trace Adkins
3) Under Pressure- Queen/David Bowie
4) Designated Driver- Billy Gilman
5) Sweet Music Man- Reba McEntire
6) Someone Waits For You- Carly Simon
7) Your Song- Alessandro Safina/Ewan McGregor (from the Moulin Rouge soundtrack)
Threesome- Melissa Ethridge
9) Teenagers- My Chemical Romance
10) Dark Chest Of Wonders- Nightwish

i dare y’all to put your own list up, and if you’d like, let me know when you do.